Those of you who have been following my blog will remember my posting about our graduation—that is our graduation from Peace Corps trainees to Peace Corps Volunteers. Well this event (held at the Embassy) was a great of event. Since formally becoming a Peace Corps volunteer I have been thinking of a way to try and describe how I felt at that moment, how it feels to be a Peace Corps volunteer and how my feelings change on a daily bases. Well, a fellow volunteer (Paulette, who also graduated with us) wrote a speech and presented at the graduation. I thought Paulette did superb job with her speech. Here I would like to post it here. Read along and I believe her words will give you a small bit of insight to my feelings when beginning and during my service as a Peace Corps Volunteer.
Training Graduation Speech:
(References - *Jason is a mystery guy who was supposed to come but just never showed up. *Also, our director gave us this speech where he said we should think about the movies we had in our head about our service and be our own protagonist.)
To my fellow G-27ers,
Do you ever wonder where Jason is, our mystery 19th volunteer. I wonder if he's working some 9 to 5 somewhere, thinking about that time he almost joined the Peace Corps. We'll never know what actually happened to him, but I wonder if he just wussed out? I wonder if he packed his bags, said his goodbyes. I wonder if he went to the airport. I wonder -- At what point did he turn back?
I almost backed out a million times. I laid in bed, obsessing, needing to know exactly what my life would be like. I made lists of pros and cons, thinking I could quantify the decision. I sought advice from everyone. I even asked my four-year-old nephew if I should join the Peace Corps, and he said, "Sure."
But I still couldn't decide. Then one day I realized, I was afraid to fail. That's when I decided I at least had to try.
There were still plenty of moments of doubt. But, like you, and unlike so many other people, I got through every one of them. I think that's the biggest thing we should really be celebrating today.
Yay for us, that we'll never have to be the people who say, "Peace Corps, huh? I always wanted to do that."
Let's celebrate that we are not of the people who maybe sent out for the packet, but never filled it out. Maybe they filled it out but never found the guts to mail it.
Let's celebrate that we are not of the class of people who have been duped by advertisers into thinking that they should be spending their youths trying to look more youthful, spending thier money to be thinner, using their time to get more things.
Yay for us that we didn't listen to those who said you're going to work your job and go home to your couch and watch your tv and eat your fast food. This is how things are done around here.
We heard another voice, just a whisper, that brought us here. And we did all that paperwork and dismantled our lives and got on the plane.
And we had that movie in our head, the one that Michael Eschleman told us about.
But then we got to our sites, and, for some of us, it felt like we walked into the wrong theater. The set was all wrong. The cast was not following our script. We brought all the wrong props. And we're back to being scared.
This is because we mistook ourselves for the screenwriters. We are just the characters. And the characters never get to choose their challenges, only how they will act in the face of those challenges.
Maybe you saw yourself being Campo Cowboy, with bragging rights that you walk 10 miles to your latrine, uphill both ways, but you ended up chuchi.
Or you were hoping for chuchi, and now will find yourself with a lot of time to think, while squatting, about just how long two years is going to be. And you're wondering again - Can I do this?
When that fear starts to creep in, try to find that voice, that whisper, that you listened to in the months before you stepped on the plane. It's a humble voice, that didn't bring you here for the sweet Facebook photos or the captivating blog material. It's something that tells us that there's more to life that what we've found in our own little fishbowl.
And if we stay to find out how our movie turns out, we'll leave with benefits too numerable to list, the least of which is being able to say, "Peace Corps, huh? I did that once."